Katie MacBride
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua.
1
I was on my way to Tahoe with a friend when something happened: a mild stomach ache was turning into something more sinister, a kind of pain I’d never felt before. It was like thick, rubbery snakes were wrapping themselves around my intestines, pulling, twisting, and sinking their fangs into my flesh. Sweat started pouring down my forehead. Until then, I hadn’t known that “blinding pain” was more than an expression–-that pain could make the world disappear right in front of your eyes. By the time I was carried through the sliding glass doors of the ER, I was drenched in my own sweat and drifting in and out of consciousness.
2
I think there’s a lot of confusion about the difference between being dependent on a drug, having a substance use disorder, and being addicted. I absolutely think we should have acceptance around being dependent on medication–-and for some medications we already are accepting of that. You don’t see people criticizing diabetics for being dependent on insulin, I don’t know why you’d criticize someone for being dependent on opioids to manage pain. The thing that I find so absurd about restricting pain medication for patients with chronic pain, is that we know that opioid prescriptions for patients with chronic pain aren’t the major driver behind opioid addiction. It’s just an ineffective solution to the problem and extremely harmful to boot. As an alternative, I got a medical cannabis prescription, which has helped, though not as directly as you might think. I think the CBD has helped with stress, which decreases the frequency of stress induced migraines. I’ll use THC when I have a migraine, but mostly because it puts me to sleep and sleeping is the only way I’ve found to really get rid of a migraine
I used to take Vicodin for my migraines, but it only sort of helped. I didn’t have any qualms about being a recovering alcoholic taking Vicodin because at best Vicodin was only 25% effective and 0% as fun as drinking. My doctors know my history of addiction and thus have never offered Oxy for migraines, and I wouldn’t take it anyway. If I was in constant pain, I would consider it, but knowing that I’ll have a break from the pain in a few days doesn’t seem worth the risk. I knew too many people in rehab who were there because of Oxy, for me personally it just seems like unnecessarily playing with fire.
3
I have a lot of PTSD around my monthlong hospitalization. Two surgeries, both of which were necessitated by a rapidly escalating condition that would have killed me if left untreated. The world struggles enough with the idea of PTSD that PTSD from a medical condition is just unbelievable for some people. I felt everyone in my life wanted to be past the hospitalization, the fear, the "overreaction" to stomach pain, but I just couldn't move past it. I was scared all the time and I didn't know how not to be and for that I was deeply ashamed.
4
I struggle between accepting that stomach pain is a part of my life that doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong and knowing that pain can be a warning that something IS wrong and I require immediate medical attention. I feel like I'm constantly trying to navigate the line between overreaction and fatal negligence.